I Am A Grand Piano And You Are Underestimating Me

So before you send me, your great-aunt’s beloved bequeathment, to the charity bazaar, consider this:

Wikipedia

I’m no ordinary piano; I’m an authentic Steinweg, masterfully crafted from mahogany and the tusks of 5 slaughtered elephants. People are often surprised by that revelation, but it’s true, I’m a Steinweg, not a Steinway. The brands are exactly the same except that the Steinway is a 12-tusker.

All but the uncivilized philistine have a piano in their parlor. Otherwise, how would they entertain their guests? Tea and scones aren’t nearly as exciting without the accompaniment of “Silver Threads Among the Gold.” Have you heard it?

“Darling, I am grow­ing old,

Silver threads among the gold

Shine up­on my brow to­day;

Life is fad­ing fast away…”

Every time she played “Silver Threads,” your aunt wept. Speaking of which, if your daughters don’t learn to play piano, they will grow up to become old maids. Or prostitutes.

Public Domain

Did you just finger my keys? Oh, darling! Allegro vivo, my love! Let’s make beautiful music together! Vivace…